This is the day where I am 100% sure that I want to leave Malaysia, leave my family and just go to another place where no one knows me at all. I want to restart everything. My life, my mind and my soul.
Asian parents are like this. They scold you till an extreme where they can slap you any second. I was too lucky to escape from that palm-to-face thing. I feel like crying, but I just don’t know why I want to cry. I am neither sad nor disappointed at myself. It was more like a small crackling fire at first and then slowly it turned to a gigantic volcano where the Japanese can actually boil their eggs at the hot springs near by.
For the first time ever, the first thought that popped out of my mind was – to leave this place, and not a suicide thought. Previously, killing myself has always been the first thing to appear in my mind whenever something huge happens. This time, it’s different. Okay so, in order to leave this place, I need to plan what I need.
Things that I need – to leave M’sia :
Air ticket, A huge luggage bag with 360 degrees roller( since I’m clumsy with stuffs), passport, clothes, wallet, money(A LOTTTT), water bottle, clothes including lingerie, my phone, earphones, some story books, maps, my laptop, and at least a degree certificate from uni.
I want to go somewhere else like Europe, maybe? Or London. Or New York. The urge to leave my house now is boiling, and it’s telling me that “Hey, if you don’t leave this place, there’ll be more saddening incidents to come.” I long for the day where I can breathe normally again. I’ll stay quiet forever whenever I’m back home. I shall zip my mouth and probably add some super glue to my lips to ensure it’s entirely closed.
I have to stop crying. I feel the urge to cut myself. But I know that I can’t do it.
I feel like giving up already. My parents, love me too much but they’re suffocating me. My dad, doesn’t even deserve to be my dad. Age doesn’t represent maturity. I am, obviously more mature than he is.