bunhead for life

20. gemini.

Month: April, 2013

stay, please.

I’m not quite sure about what I’m feeling right now. Everything on my mind now is twined and coiled up like my forever-and-always-tangled earphones. I just had a heart to heart talk with py at coffee bean just now. It left me sad(maybe not sad, mostly just not happy). And of course I brought back those negative energy with me back home. I took a nap, as usual. And I woke up without feeling good about myself. I then went on facebook and I saw b’s status on our class page. “I’m gonna miss you guys”, he posted. That literally made me feel depressed even more. All the negative energy that my thoughts built up today murdered my friday night.

Those extraordinary powerful negative thoughts influence my mind and my soul way more easily than the positive ones. I hope b is not leaving. I don’t want him to leave. I really really don’t want that to happen. No matter what it is, please please please don’t go. Stay. 

Although I don’t like him, but I really don’t want a nice friend to go. Stay by my side. Be m guardian angel please. I don’t think school is fun without you, anymore(if you’re not here). Okay, maybe I shall stop overthinking. 

Safer country please

That heartbreaking moment when B told me he got robbed yesterday night. I wasn’t quite sure about how to react to it. It was pretty shocking and sudden. I hit me even more especially when it happened to someone who is so close to me, mah homie. I got even more worried when he said the robber took out a knife. 

Anyway, long story short, N was with him. I was proud of him when Janice said that he pushed N to the back and protected N that time. Well at the same time I was sort of jealous I guess, and sad. 

Sad when you can’t love the one you want. Right person, wrong timing.

God have mercy

Life is unfair. 

Robbers stabbed my junior’s mum to death. in front of my junior. How tragic. How cruel. I think they were on drugs. Who would kill a jogger, on a bright day. Tell me. Just tell me. 

just for you

To that special someone out there. I’d like to meet you again. 

typical friday night

 

shallow human beings

The marchies are full of pretty and good looking girls. I constantly(and subconsciously) compare myself to them. I mean like, that’s human nature, right? But it never gets me far. Instead I personally think it ruins me. My self esteem sort of, instantly decreases from 60% to 10%. I feel ugly. I feel like, I’m constantly beneath other good looking people. They outshine me. 

And of course, it’s human nature that people love to be around pretty girls and attractive guys. Therefore there is no doubt that people would wanna surround themselves with those bejeweled people out there.( which means people who are so good looking that they looked like they’re covered with jewels, look as if they shine in the public) 

Me, an average teen. With an average look. It doesn’t make me feel good. Well, I guess I shouldn’t use the word ‘average’ but instead, I should replace it with ‘ugly’. I just hate how my eyes are so baggy and dark circles roams under my eyes forever. I hate how pimples pop out whenever I have period. I dislike how my cheeks are so huge it makes me uncomfortable and I can’t smile properly in front of a camera. I hate how the frame of my face is so huge that I look so ugly in photos every single time.(sometimes okay, most of the time-no)

porridge for dinner

I just ate the worst porridge ever.(out of so many types of porridge that my mum cooks) 

I’m not supposed to complain, I’m lucky enough to be able to eat porridge and I’m trying not to complain so much about life… Therefore I shall not think back about how yucky the porridge looked like. At least there was chunks of pork inside.( then i added marmite into it and it looked like some browned cookie crumbles with chunks of white chocolate)

I love english

I’m re-reading back my vocab book that I wrote back in 2011. Well, these are some words that I have to learn. 

1. asylum – where mad people are kept aka mad house

2. genteel – quiet and polite

3. covetous – having a strong desire for the things that other people have 

4. penitent – feeling sorry that you have done something wrong

5. benelovent- kind and helpful

6. puerile – childish

i need a runaway

My mum’s not allowing me out again. I’m 18 now, I’m growing up. But when can I really go out all by myself? 10 years later? or 20 years later? 

I’m just going out with my classmates. To pavilion. Just for lunch. I don’t see anything wrong here. If you think KL is dangerous, then do you want me not to go KL forever? All I know is, my mum doesn’t trust the world. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But yeah, it’s true. She doesn’t believe anyone outside and thinks that everyone will take advantage of you or harm you. 

I need to leave this house. Faraway from this house. I really really need to. 

Go somewhere else far far away from Malaysia. 

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