I want backhugs

by Steph

Oh great. Now my only Japanese friend just got together with his new girlfriend. I’m extremely happy for them. They look very compatible together. I wish they can last forever although forever doesn’t exist in reality.

Now I feel this gush of aching pain flowing in the vessels of my heart. Now I’m even more lonely when everyone around me has somebody to love. I love someone but I have to let go that special someone in order to move on to the next chapter of my life. I’ve grown into this lonely soul. I yearn for security. I want someone to care for me. Not just the friends type. But the boyfriend-girlfriend type. Someone who will always be there for me no matter what.(although Chris and Vin and so many besties of mine already do this.) Someone who will stand up for me, fight for me. 

This hollow emptiness is literally eating my heart out. Crushing every hope of mine to find someone like sw. Or sw. Reality kills those miracle thoughts. It does. But seriously, I moved on 70%. Let’s see what will happen in the future. “In the future?” “Next month? or next year?” “How long do I need to bear with this hollowness?” 

Tired of feeling empty all the time. I need a pat on my shoulder, telling me that everything’s gonna be okay, things will work out and God will always want the best for you. He will answer your prayers. So smile and continue studying. Stop getting distracted by those unimportant thoughts and focus on your semester exam instead. 

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