bunhead for life

20. gemini.

Month: May, 2013

current situation + wishes

I wouldn’t say I’m officially over him, but even though I’ve moved on to the next chapter of my life I will still remember him(i guess). Recently, I’m totally enjoying being on my own. It doesn’t mean that  I like to be a loner or alone or even not socialize with anyone else. It simply means I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship now, yeah right now. I don’t think I’m neither ready for it nor want someone to give me kisses and long hugs. I’m totally fine being like this, single. I’m happy, carefree(well, not really actually), free and single. Not very sexy though, but still working towards being prettier than before. 

Being 17+ and turning 18 in a week, I’m still THIS ugly and insecure and short, how am I supposed to be pretty? Oh, and I wanna be smart too. Intelligence > beauty. 

I wear long pants to college everyday. T

Image

I wear long pants to college everyday. T shirt and sometimes long sleeves shirt. Converse most of the time but sometimes Toms.

The more I dress up this way to school, the more I think I’m ugly. Last week I went to a bookstore where they sell textbooks for my programme( located just right opposite Joey’s college), I was wearing my MCKL shirt with a pair of long black skinny jeans. Along with my red high top converse.Hell yeah I felt super small and extremely insecure because so many good looking people were roaming around that area. Me? Pfft. I’m more like a piece of dried and entirely browned leaf on the tar road. So unnoticeable.
Sometimes I feel like giving a punch in my face because I just look so, plain and ugly and normal and average. People look pass me in seconds and they never turn back their head anymore. I’ve never left a vivid image in anyone’s head before.
Oh by the way, I took this photo on the lrt. When I was on my way back to home.

矛盾。心底的话。

“凭什么要失望 藏眼泪到心脏

远距离的欣赏 近距离的迷惘 谁说太阳会找到月亮

忘不了那个人就投降。”

不管我用什么方法都好,想忘了他是多么件痛苦的事。多么的困难。曾经想让自己展望未来, 怎知道还是回了头。每个人都说, 时间是唯一的解药,他们应该是没喜欢过人吧。 当我每次想向前走一步, 步出一大步时,怎知道却向后退了几步。我,还是我。那原型的我, 回来了。我以为我那个“为他而哭”的他已经永远远离我了,其实他一向来都一直藏在我心底,不敢跑出来。深怕我会变回那原来的我。天啊,我又是这个样子了。It’s time to move on. Look forward to something else. 

btw that’s my first post in chinese. there’ll be more chinese posts in the future. 

我不想看见他,却很想看到他。

 

envy at its best

I envy people who are in love with someone right now. Like B with Nat, CJ with Yich, Maki with his girl. Someone whom they can touch and see everyday. And I too, envy people who can see him everyday, joke with him everyday, eat with him, laugh with him. Sometimes he sort of intimidates me, he’s so “high up there” and sometimes he seems so fun and nice.

I wanna start everything again. From the beginning.

“Hi, my name is _____. And yours?”

my escape

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