In need of some dosage of optmistism

by Steph

It was when I read her blog, I found out that she’s such a lovely little woman who is currently learning to love everybody else a little bit more, be thankful for every single moment a little bit more. I now know the reasons why B fell for her, deeply and madly. 

It was when I heard some of my friends saying that her photos are stunning. It sort of knocked me down instantly, being conscious and clear that she is unbeatable and I, am now just a tiny little dust which lands on B’s shoulder, trying to cling onto his shirt(why am i comparing myself to the others again. ). They’re currently having a profoundly tender and passionate affection for one another. Which means, inseparable. 

I feel as if I don’t have the strength or the ability to filter off the negative elements that are currently invading my mind my soul my everything like “little boy” banishing hiroshima during world war 2. Where is my anti-bad vibe shield again? Did I misplace it? I need it so badly right now. Like, right now. 

The thing is, I keep comparing myself to herN and herY. what the hell. I am me, I should never do that,whatever. So whenever I do that, I end up being depressed than ever, knowing that I can never be as smart or intelligent or good or gorgeous or stunning or happy as them. 

Oh, and another thing. I wrote a poem that exactly explains it everything. 

It aches me every time you walk near her, 

Every single time you speak of her, 

Or even when she smiles

When she bobs her head back and forth while chuckling 

Reminds me of what you said to me 

“My heart skips a beat when she smiles.”

“Ouch!” my soul said.

I tell myself, “Stay on the ground, never reach for the stars if you can’t”

Because i know, in the end, I’ll get wounded and scarred. 

It was exactly for you. I don’t wanna fall for you, cause I know we’ll end up not being close anymore.